Oh, to add to my list...

Oh, to add to my list...
I am going to remove the gun and fart sound apps on my iPhone. Yeah, I
allowed, but did not choose to put those on here!

Jenn

Sent from my iPhone

Tonight will be my last night as a parent for a while. I am really pleased with the new situation C will be in. It is a family that can take her brother too and they seem nice. Especially the mom; not sure what to make of the dad. I don't want to sound mean, but I think some of the people at the meeting I was at don't see the C that I do. I exchanged a few glances with her friend's mom that said, well we see things a little differently. Yes she can be a good kid, but she is also very strong willed.

Tonight will be my last night as a parent for a while. I am really
pleased with the new situation C will be in. It is a family that can
take her brother too and they seem nice. Especially the mom; not sure
what to make of the dad. I don't want to sound mean, but I think some
of the people at the meeting I was at don't see the C that I do. I
exchanged a few glances with her friend's mom that said, well we see
things a little differently. Yes she can be a good kid, but she is
also very strong willed.
So I admit I am looking forward to getting my life back. Well other
things have changed in my life too, but that story doesn't belong
here. Anyhow, this is my plan for when she leaves:
1: clean, clean, clean. I can't believe how many things I have
overlooked or haven't had time to get to. My fridge in particular.
2: ride my bike. I have had more opportunities than I have taken, but
I think the weather will be perfect for it this weekend.
3: cook myself something nice and meat free.
4: go and do whatever I want outside or far away without worring about
when I need to be home. (specifics here yet to be determined)
That's it for now. =)

Jenn

Sent from my iPhone

The good, the bad, but no ugly

I think that there is a reason children start as babies. They are so lovable. Then by the time they reach teenage years, you have developed a bond...

I jumped into the hardest part of this girl's life. Not only because of the foster situation, but because of the age.

The bad: the whining. I get so sick of it. And I told her tonight. I sounded like a mom for sure: "I have heard enough of that, you need to stop. You know my answer." "If you don't do what you are told, then we won't go get your friend." It felt good to say though. I wasn't mean, just firm. She pouted enough that one of her friends called home to get picked up. That says a lot.

The good: She referred to me as her mom. She calls me by my name, which is fine. But instead of referring to me by name on the phone she said her mom. That's good. And I was talking to her friend's mom who said her daughter said I was nice, and that they all think it is a good thing that C is here, in this good situation. She also said C wasn't nice to her daughter before and is glad that they can be friends now. That is very encouraging. And what I will end with. =)

Seriously

I can't tell you how many times I heard "seriously Jennifer" tonight - one right after the other. It got to the point where it was just funny. It had no meaning, or maybe it's like that old term "dude" that could be said to mean a million different things.

I am tired of demands over requests, being told what to do and that I am not in charge ('cuz she thinks its funny), and its making me get blunter in my comments each day. Tonight we had an argument on: you need to shower and brush your teeth. Yesterday I had to call her on the multiple versions of stories I was getting - after I gave her an earful on how we both have to make sacrifices, and there are some things I am going to do that she is just going to have to come along for.

Tomorrow morning - early - she is going with her dad, and Sunday afternoon she leaves for camp for a week. I am so excited to have some time to myself. I enjoy having her for the most part, and don't want her to leave to live with her friend instead of me, but wow, she can wear a person down. I think her friends even get tired of it.

Let's end on a bright note. Well, it's marred of course, but I'm choosing to see the good side here. She made a couple of comments on me being her mom. First was that I wasn't a good mom, then she immediately retracted that statement. That's a compliment to me. Later was something about me not being her mom, but then this confused, well sort of... Hey, I'll take this as a good sign, that sees me as a mom. I like that.

Eating

As last week progressed, C-- ate better and better. She would still claim she wasn't hungry, but ate when I prepared food. She even asked me to prepare breakfast on Friday. This weekend she was with her dad most of of the time. All she ate with me was cereal. So naturally I was concerned about what she was doing for dinner, etc. I am still wondering about this.
This morning, it was the same as it had been for breakfast most of last week - not hungry. Then, as was making a sandwich for her lunch she also made these statements: "I don't need a lunch. They'll have food there." As I told her, I was there last week, there wasn't food. That was followed by: "I ate yesterday, I don't need to eat today. You don't have to eat everyday." (I'm thinking, oh my goodness, does she really believe this? Has she done this or is she just being obstinate?) Of course I told her that she does need to eat everyday...
She ended up eating a bagel for breakfast. The smell of mine must have made her hungry. Who would have thought that eating regular meals was something I was going to have to model.

Small changes, large joy

C-- is coming around a little more each day. I see little changes, and take joy in them. Here are a few things she's said to me:

• Monday afternoon I had followed her to another part of the beach we were at. When her and her friends were going to another place, she called out to me: "Jennifer, we're going over here now." Basically asking/telling me to come along.
  
• After picking her up from camp yesterday: "My friends like you- not as much as they like my dad, cuz they've known him longer..." The thing is, she wasn't around any of the friends I met that day.
• In talking about an activity she is attending tonight: "I don't think you can go. Not that I don't want you to go, but I don't think you are allowed to."
• Along those lines, a random comment, with no real context, where I think she was talking to me, and I think about about the church camp she's attending: "You could go, but it's too late to sign up." That was odd to me, why would I go to church camp?
  
• This morning she was volunteering information to me, telling me about yesterday. She sounded excited for today.
  

She hasn't objected when I have said I am coming along; got used to that pretty fast. And wasn't really upset when I told her she couldn't go to her friends, that they would have to come over. Although that could be because I immediately followed the statement with, "so I decided to get a Wii." And last night I said that I'd like to get to bed earlier, and without my asking she did when it was time; we didn't even discuss what time.
Okay, one more thing. or maybe two. I was telling her yesterday how so many people said good things about her and I was too and she said not to believe them. I told her from what I have seen, they have been right. So I was glad to have that opportunity for an encouraging word. This morning I snuck a napkin with a note "I love your smile" in her lunch. We'll see how embarrassed she is this afternoon.

A Good Day

Today turned out to be quite fun. After church I joined their youth group at lunch and got to meet some of the girls who help out and see C-- interact with them. That was encouraging; it looked like they have a great relationship. Then this afternoon we went to the beach with C--'s friend and a couple of ladies who are also leaders in the church youth group. They had boogie boards too. Then we got some tastee-freeze, great way to end the time at the beach! I agreed to let her friend come over for dinner and watch a movie, so we stopped by his house I met his mom and then we went to Blockbuster and home to make dinner.

I have to say my favorite part of the day was when I was preparing dinner. C-- wanted to help, which was quite the turn around from the night before when she didn't want to even eat. But the best - when she blared "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong through the ipod dock and said it was her favorite. I was so happy to hear both of them sing along at the table. Those are the moments that are amazing and give strength for the hard times. That church and its impact on C--'s life is such a blessing. God is certainly working through the people there.

She still wants to go back with brother, and if that doesn't work out I know she will be upset. But after today, I know we will be able to get through it. I want what's best for her, and I don't think it is going back. That is not my decision, but we will see what happens tomorrow. I think I'll sleep better tonight though.