Waiting

I mailed my final training certificates in yesterday. Now I just wait for a phone call. I'm nervous and excited about it.
It's going to be especially hard at first, adjusting to each other, figuring out a routine. And the child will probably be sad and confused - I would be too if I was suddenly taken away from my parents. ...I know they talk about it being easier early on when the child is in the denial stage of grieving their loss, and that the anger stage is difficult. And some of the behaviors they might have along the way could be really odd to me, and even be difficult to deal with.
But I can't help (especially to keep from being overwhelmed) to focus on and look forward to the good times: the fun activities we can do together, the little smiles that sneak out from being silly. I will almost be teaching a child how to be a child. That just sounds like it has potential for fun.

Dealing with Loss

I have had a lot of people tell me about Christian foster agencies that they/someone they know are going/have gone through to do fostering. I suspect the support and approach is different. But I like that I'm just going through the county. Too often I can dismiss something in my life and not really work through it, just try to pray it away. While prayer is great, I am learning that it is important to not use it as a tool to run away from our problems. On the other hand, I can't forget how powerful prayer is, and need to use it as tool to help deal with the issues.
That might sound confusing. Let me try to explain what I have in mind. One of the topics that we have discussed in our training is loss. The instructors have said this a few times: we have to deal with our own losses before we help the children with their own. In example, it is not healthy for a foster to adopt family to not grieve the loss of their own potential child that the adoptive child is 'replacing.' They might not realize it, but resent the birth parents... So for me, I am thinking that there is a loss that I need to grieve. It may sound a little silly, but it is my privacy. I live alone and have for three years. I can do what I want, when I want, wearing whatever I want... So that is all going to change. I am not only giving up time and money, but my way of living. My world is about to turn upside down. I am excited about it, but I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that it is going to be hard.

Mixed emotions

This week's foster training was the most shocking. Some of the things that the children face and do - oh my - taboo topics to talk about openly in our society, especially within the church. There were some issues that were presented that I really don't think I could deal with. That was the first time I have thought no, rather than, that will be difficult. In addition, the week had been draining for me. I am not used to be around people all the time, and I kept thinking how
I will have to get used to it. That alone is draining for me. I am doing this on my own. I began to question if this is right. Then I realized that my doubts were selfish and that is partly why I am doing this- not to live such a self centered life.
Then there was also a video we watched that had clips of interviews with children who had been in the foster system for years. I found that very moving and it made me want to encourage the church to intervene before it gets to the point where people feel hopeless. It made me think of a friend of mine who made a lot of changes in her life when she began a relationship with Jesus and the struggles she faced along the way. How difficult it was for her to ask for help without worrying about being judged. We as a church need to go reach lost people and show them love, grace, and that there is hope. I read "What's so Amazing About Grace?" by Phil Yancey years ago and was reminded of the lesson he gives on grace breaking the destructive cycle. It makes me consider creating promises for the children, including that definition of grace given in the book. He states that there is nothing we can do to make God us more and nothing we can do to make God love us less. That is the security and type of promise that these children need to hear to have hope. Lord help me to love these children in that way - the way you do.