This is hard! I slept terrible. Last night C-- was missing her brother and wanted to go back. It's hard not to want that too. I keep asking myself what am I doing? A single person who has never raised a child. God is this really what you have for me?
I feel more upset, and literally my stomach hurts more, when I think that way. C-- really is a good kid. It's the emotions that are hard to deal with. I think I handled the situation last night okay, but it's the pain of separation from her family that is hard. I had to explain that even though some things might be the same, living with someone other than your family is going to be different. (Dear God please give me the strength I need.) She has friends in this area and her church is just across the street. With no contact with them this weekend that makes it harder. I also keep wondering if I should have waited until Monday to get her. But it is too late now.
My biggest concern is still day care; yesterday when I was praying God reminded me of the verse about the thousand cattle... Basically telling me to trust him to provide the money. There are other complications with this in specific to C-- as well, but there is nothing I can do about it today. Matthew 6:34 I can just pray that God will work everything out.
...I wrote that when I woke up this morning. It has been better since (10:10 am now). I decided it was okay to let her go to her church youth group. It is so close and at church for goodness sake. I didn't talk to the social worker, but with the level of privileges she had the lady at Polinsky made it sound like the social worker would say it was okay. I am taking a chance, but it is not fun for either of us to be cooped up in my apartment all day.